CNN Accuses Beluga of Being a Russian Spy

Well, CNN has finally outdone themselves. They ran an entire story about a beluga whale being a Russian spy….this is not satire.

Now why this is so funny to me, is because everyday since the election, I’ve had to deal with morons screaming at me that I’m a Russian bot or spy….and now here they are, accusing a large sea mammal.

My first thought when I see a camera on a wild animal’s neck is….it’s probably for research. It’s definitely not going to be to accuse a competitive country of some sort of whale espionage.

But fuck it, it’s CNN so they let it roll….

Oh, marine biologists know a lot about the counter-defense forces of random opposing countries? Sure buddy.

The whale was “friendly and playful.” Well of course….that’s just what he wants you to think!

Specially made? So they don’t sell these at Petco?

And what did you say about the clips?

They say “St Petersburg!” Well, shut and close the case! I’m pretty sure the first rule of clandestine secret military stuff is not leaving your name on stuff, but what do I know?

If you’re wondering how CNN gets away with it…

Oh, so you admit it could very well all be bullshit, good to know.

Whatever you do, don’t tell them the whale works for us….