“Sterilize Yourself for Greta” New Sweeping Trend for Climate Activists

There’s a new movement in town to own Trump…and it might be the best one yet!

“Sterilize for Greta” is a fresh, new movement where young and thoughtful activists are sterilizing themselves to save the environment. In a world where abortion rights are constantly being threatened by the Cheeto in Charge, sterilization gives an individual complete freedom over their own bodies.

Every baby not born saves at least one iceberg, in a new study according to the Washington Post. That kind of carbon footprint saving makes a huge difference in just a short amount of time. In just under 30 years, we could be looking at a healthy Earth covered almost entirely by icebergs.

Toto who is homeless and living on the streets in San Francisco, said that he sterilized himself for Greta because he was worried that there wouldn’t be enough of a world for his child to grow up even if he did have one, as he discarded several used syringes on the ground. “Kids make a mess” he stated, “Who’s supposed to clean it up? Not me! That’s for sure.”

Betty, a barista coffee detailer at Starbucks said she sterilized herself for Greta not to just help out the environment..but out of the real fear that her child might one day grow up to be a racist Republican. “If the economy stays this good and unemployment stays down, people might actually keep voting for Trump. I can’t live in a world like that, so why should my children?”

Henrietta said she sterilized herself for Greta a little by accident. “Turns out that if you don’t take care of chlamydia, you can go sterile” she says. “I’ve been telling people I did it for Greta because it really is the ultimate virtue signal. No one on my Facebook is going to be able to top this one.”

Trisha who is already a mother of five said sterilizing herself for Greta seemed the right thing to do, but hasn’t found a way yet. “I asked Planned Parenthood for help in providing a form of safe, permanent sterilization, but they said I should just wait and have an abortion instead. I‘m also pretty sure the expired condoms they gave me had holes put in them. Strange.”

Sunshine, a feminist blogger from Berkeley who prefers zhe/zhey pronouns said zhe sterilized zheyself for Greta to cut down on the huge carbon footprints babies leave behind. Zhe said that “Babies eventually grow up to be people, right? And that can’t be good for the environment. All those people walking around. It’s sick.”

Micheal, a dance therapy major at Yale went as far as to remove his own testicles completely…he claims to help “cut down” on his own toxic masculinity. He says he already feels freer from the “macho” shackles his testosterone was giving him, and his voice has steady become more feminine. “I saved a lot of money just doing it himself” he continues “All you really need is a rubber band and a free weekend.”

Let’s save the planet and get #SterilizeForGreta trending! We can save the planet one sterilized activist at a time!

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